A Pregnancy Announcement

I’m 12 weeks pregnant with my third child. Things are going, for the most part, as well as expected for this early stage of pregnancy, which is to say that I’ve been exhausted and excited and occasionally gripped with fear of miscarriage. I’ve also been completely confident. This baby is so wanted and will be coming at just the perfect moment in our life. 

I believe that any pregnant mother should feel comfortable living life the way they feel is best. Whether it be to drink coffee, eat lunch meat, or skip the occasional prenatal due to nausea. But I especially believe women should proceed exactly the way they wish in regards to announcing their pregnancy. I know that for many, many reasons - infertility, history of miscarriage, medical complications, family dynamics, work expectations, etc. - keeping pregnancy a secret during the first trimester is often preferred. But it dawned on me the moment I saw those two lines, that I need support. 

It’s taken me two very different pregnancies (and deliveries) to realize that keeping my pregnancy a secret makes me feel worse, not better. So, I told close family and friends around the 7 week mark that I was expecting.

I’ve realized these past four years since becoming a mother, that I need help. Being able to talk openly about expecting and the surprise and joy and stumbling through feelings (and intense nausea) allowed the people in my life to meet me where I’m at. It was nice to let people know that I need to nap. Or that I’m struggling to focus on conversation because I haven’t eaten anything all day due to feeling sick. Or that I sometimes feel thrilled and sometimes dark waves sweep over me… where I wonder how I’m going to get through it all. I wanted to be able to say “I need to take a break. I’m pregnant and hungry and I might throw up on you.” 

Pregnancy is also controversial. So much so that it’s almost impossible to talk about it without also hurting someone’s feelings in the process. Is childbirth traumatic or transformative? Is pregnancy a disability or a kind of physical prowess? Is it safe to have more than one (or two) c-sections? I hope I can avoid that here.

And of course, I have fears of loss. Even in the best case scenarios, pregnancy is ultimately sheer luck. We’re not in control of anything at all really. I can understand how most would want to keep that private. Sharing news publicly only to have to retract it later sounds painful. But I also know that I personally would not want to feel alone. To secretly battle with such a monumental loss in private. 

And so that’s that. There’s no commentary here about how best to proceed with pregnancy announcements, only my own internal speculation. Just an announcement that I’m pregnant and felt better off saying so to my people earlier. I felt very much alone in the first trimesters of my previous pregnancies. I’m very relieved to be able to share this pregnancy now.